Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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