I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
