That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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