First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
