it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
