The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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