I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
