I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
