I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
