My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
