I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
