He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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