In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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