it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
