Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
