Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
