I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
