shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
