ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
