Whod you bang
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's the barista slut.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize