Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
