kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
