I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
