i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
