My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
