he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
