Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
