I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
