ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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