Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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