Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
