She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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