as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
