I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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