Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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