that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
