Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
