For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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