just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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