Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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