I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I came so hard my ears popped.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
