Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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