So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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