Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
