Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
