handjob tips. give me some.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
