My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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