Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize