You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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