who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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