Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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