The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
