Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize