so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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