I could make wine with my vomit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
