I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize