the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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