we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
