I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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