What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
