i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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