He kissed a someone with a penis
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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