You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
